If Voldemort Were a Peice of Lint!
by DJ Verits
Summary: A story about Voldemort's conquests as a piece of lint (whole story re-done Sept 28)
1. If Voldie Were a Peice of Lint

If Voldemort were a Piece of Lint  
  
By DJ Verits  
  
A/N: Just stickin this up again (nearly TWO years later...) because the grammar and other stuff is annoying....  
  
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This story is assuming that Voldemort got turned into a piece of Lint before he made it into book four...so what would happen? (no spoilers...as if no one has read it by now though...)  
  
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A small piece of Lint blew into the boys' dormitories. A window was opened, most obviously.  
  
Harry's scar seared with pain, though he was still asleep. Oddly enough, it didn't wake him up. Hm, strange. In his dream he could see a tall, shadowy figure standing...he couldn't make out any details though. A boggart, pehaps? He then saw himself with a wand. Maybe ihe was going to fight the shadow/boggart/(Voldie?)? He watched closely because it could give him information on how to defeat Voldemort (if it was him) the next time they met (which hopefully was never again but when you're the protagonist in a popular series than you just have to expect these things...!  
  
"Harry! Wake up! We'll be late for classes!" Ron was yelling in his ear just as his dream self raised his wand.  
  
"RON! I was having an impor- OW!" Harry yelled angrily.  
  
"What? I didn't do anything!"  
  
"I know-It's my scar...it's searing with pain."  
  
"'Searing with pain'? Who talks like that?"  
  
"Well excuse my vocabulary...and...hey! It's Saturday!"  
  
"Oh, ya knew that...I was just buggin' you!"  
  
Harry muttered some not-so-nice words under his breath.  
  
"Sorry. But anyway what was your dream about?" Ron continued.  
  
"Voldemort or a boggart or a shadow or it could have been a...a I don't know it could have been a dragon because I was slee[ing and I didn't have my glasses on."  
  
"That doesn't really make any sense..." Ron pointed out..  
  
"...And you had to interrupt it! On Saturday no less! You git!"  
  
Just then the piece of lint on the floor caught a draft and clung to Harry's robes.  
  
When they reached the common room Hermione came over and took something off of Harry's robes.  
  
"Just some lint. Here Crookshanks go eat it!"  
  
They didn't notice but the piece of Lint was saying, "Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra! C'mon work you stupi-hey where's my wand? I want my wand! What the - where're my arms? I-I'm a lint ball! AGGGHH! C-cat? Nice kitty niiiice kitty kitty kittty...d-don't eat me and Uncle Tom'll give you-a...catnip!"  
  
It was no use Crookshanks ate him.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	2. Into the Cat

Inside the Putty Tat  
  
(Again, this is an update of the old version which I'm not satisfied with anymore ;)  
  
  
Voldie the Piece of Lint was now in Crookshanks and although some muggles thought that the piece of lint would kill poor Crookshanks, he was totally fine! Cats swallow weird stuff everyday! Anyways the 'seemingly-totally-powerless-super-villain' was heading into the stomach of a cat with a prettty bad attitude and was more terrified than he had ever been in his entire life!   
  
"This place probably smells horrible!" Voldie the lint said, "Boy am I ever glad I'm a peice of nose-less lint at this point! But of course if I was still a wizard than a cat would not have eaten me!"  
  
The Lint went into the strong digestive juices of the cat and began to be eaten by the acid in it.  
  
"Heeeeelp me!" He screamed out to the other stuff Crookshanks had swallowed. A fly was floating by him.  
  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! Awful!" A limp piece of cat food passed on his other side. Voldemort grabbed onto it with his lint umm...parts...I guess...but it fell apart so he was left to be digested by Crookshanks.  
  
TBC (perhaps)  
  
UPDATED: November 16th 2001  
And Again: September 29th, 2002  
  
D/C: I don't own any HP stuff it's all Ms.Rowlings! 


	3. I Get Knocked Down

I Get Knocked Down...  
  
A/N: I haven't read anything HP in over a year so if this doesn't mesh with the other 2 chapters at all, don't get too confused.  
  
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So Crookshanks eventually did his business (if you know what I mean) and Voldie (having been a former super-duper dark lord guy) couldn't ACTUALLY be killed by mere digestive juices. So Unkie Tom was back in civilization, even if he had never really left it at all.  
  
Now he was in quite a predicament. When he was just a peice of lint movement was very easy but know you-know-who was covered in you-know-what now. . .  
  
Voldie said some not-so-nice words (not the same ones Harry had used before) and tried to move.  
"This just isn't working, I'll have to wait for a draft." So he waited. He waited for 30 minutes. Then 30 more. Then he fell asleep. Around dinnertime Crookshank arrived again. He realised the baad mistake he made. The cat turned around and. . .  
  
  
. . .oh my Merlin! he covered Voldie in Specially Formulated-Clumping-Scent Trapping-Scented kitty cat litter. Burrrn.  
  
***  
Seriously now I could continue this chapter with pointlessness about Voldie waiting and waiting until a draft came. But that would pretty boring. Even though eventually he will get thrown out with the rest of the poopies via a house elf's pooper-scooper.   
  
Or maybe I'd tell you that the next time that Crookz came around he made a mess with all of the litter and he flicked out of the litter box.   
  
I just had a thought, what if in England they don't call litter boxes litter boxes? Then my story'd be misinformed. I can't stand that.  
  
**If anyone know about the English naming of litter boxes, just let me know!**  
  
***  
  
Eventually Voldie ended up in the trash with some other messed up former creatures and he started his own Mafia. He developed an even eviller laughter and was very prosperous. Since he lived in an alley, he made friends with poker rats! (Fwa hah! see my Sevvie story)  
  
THEND  
  
what do you think? you wanna flame me? flame me! try and make it artistic though, make it into a haiku (5-7-5) or something!  
  
-DJ 


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